Just 'cause it's different, don't make it wrong

Well, I went all quiet again, but wanted to adhere to my father's lesson - if I didn't have something good to say, I shouldn't say anything. 

Then I went to visit my son and learned a great lesson that I'd like to share as my Last Post of 2010. 

A little backstory is required:  I'm Vegan (I only eat plants, no animals, no animal by-products like eggs or dairy); my son is very much a carnivore, to the point of raising, slaughtering, dressing and butchering animals & poultry himself.  This resulted in a lot of discussion between us as to our respective choices.  His ideas and my ideas are both very different.  But his methods, oddly, fall in line with my ideas of trying to avoid cruelty.  He cares for his animals with great affection (he helped create an articulated splint for an injured turkey for example); his slaughter methods are as humane and dignified as could be imagined; he honors and thanks the animal for feeding him.  The chickens, turkeys, ducks and guinea hens run free across the yard and are lovingly put into cozy coops every night.  He bottle-fed a rescued bull calf (that is currently feeding a small family for the year).  So basically his animals have fabulous lives until they die; although they die early...

Oh, goodness, what could this possibly have to do with horsemanship? Well, in our discussion, we got to that - because we pretty much ALWAYS get to horse talk. 

There is a notion among many horse lovers that there is a hard-core absolute right way and absolute wrong way to do things.  And as Pat Parelli reminds us, that "right way" changes every 50 miles.  But very often "our way is the right way" and we're pretty adamant about it.

But the lesson I learned from my son is that just because it's different doesn't make it wrong.  Just because he chooses to eat meat and I don't, doesn't make either of us wrong. 

Now, there IS plenty of stuff that's clearly wrong:  cruelty, losing your temper with your horse, abuse like starvation, abandonment and more.  (I happen to think allowing a horse to have dangerous ground manners is abuse). 

I chatted with a Clinician at an event one year who told me that he absolutely thought what Pat Parelli teaches was just dead wrong.  He disagreed with "every word."  I was curious to learn what he thought was right, so I made a point to watch his presentation about developing a ranch horse.  Afterwards, I mentioned that he'd done quite a nice job and, "Oh, by the way, you didn't say one word that Pat Parelli would have disagreed with.  You just said it differently than he does." 

So observing other horsemanship techniques and taking a moment to consider what could be learned from it is not such a bad idea.   And perhaps the Dressage riders, the Western riders and the Natural Horsemanship riders will all stop fussing so much about "what's wrong" about what the other folks are doing, and focus on the things that work, that are good for our horses. 

Have a happy new year and thanks for spending a minute with me.

Comments

[Mona]

Enjoyed reading as always. Your article comes at a time when I am moving from the regular/ carnivore oblivion to becoming aware of not only what I'm eating, but what I have been giving my consent to have done to the beautiful living animals of earth, in order to have them presented to us in supermarkets plastics. I consent of course by buying, with my wallet. At the very least, I can resolve to try to buy at an organic store, when possible, a store that supports natural farming like your son's fine example!

The real attitude shifter for me was Robbins' description of a steak in Unlimited Power... OMG !!  One never wants to have one again. However, the real education was learning from him that the amount of protein we think adults need is, not to exaggerate, extremely overrated.

I still eat meat, personally, must say I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday turkey, but my intake is reduced by about 80%. I just naturally am not inclined towards animal flesh anymore. I'm the one predator on the planet that has the freedom to choose. Apparently, this may happen to be green decision for our environment as well, in some ways.

Thanks again, your words always stimulating, reminding, and causing to grow.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Aw, shucks, thank you. If you're interested in learning more about being Vegan, this is my "guru" - http://www.compassionatecooks.com/ - her podcasts include nutritional information, animal processing facts, factory farming facts, and more. Her cookbooks are fabulous (especially Vegan Baking). She agrees that we've been sold a bill of goods about how much protein we actually need. I can testify that my health changed completely once I got off of dairy products. What does that have to do with Horsemanship? Well, if I want my horse to be an athlete, I have to be one, too!

[Colleen/Mn]

Norma, I'm so glad to see you back. Love this post!
Best Wishes!
Colleen

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Glad to be here. Thanks for reading and writing!

[Marion Parnell]

I too enjoyed your blog post, Norma; caused me to think:
I do agree with you (not that that is important). I struggled for 12 years (I'm slow :0) to learn the RIGHT way to handle and train my high strung horse. I followed what the "big boys" were saying religiously and had the 'right'/'wrong' mentality. I listened to real world trainers, feeling that somewhere there was a RIGHT way and if I could just find it all would be well. Total confusion reigned and my horse was not happy to be with me. I was mechanical and trying to make a system fit. Something had to change and it was me.

It was not until I looked at myself and made changes in my personality and in my presentation and came to the realization that my relationship with my horse in the present moment and my responses to that moment was what counted....not some system of right/wrong. I coupled that realization with the knowledge gleaned from the "big boys" and made horsemanship my own...only then did success began to emerge.

If we take what fits our situation best from the ideas of "the big boys" we will lose the notions of 'right'/wrong'. We will have a path to follow from their experience but we must make it our own. The "big boys" are trying to teach something that cannot be taught; it is an experience, not a method. Each human will color the experience with their own individual personality.
Happy New Year to all. Marion Parnell

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank you, Marion, for a great comment! Yes, it is when we pay attention to what our HORSES are trying to teach us that we start learning.

[PeterC]

Great year end post! Having been vegetarian, and now more like your son; having read all the bad stuff about PNH and seeing lots of good horse people doing good things natural or not; I really appreciate the thought behind this post.

Some days I just feel like screaming - "Can't we all just get along!" as Jack Nicolson said in Mars Attacks.

PeterC

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Those who love horses are best served by remembering that there is more that unites us than divides us (to steal from Hillary Clinton). Especially these days, we need to work together to preserve and protect the trails, open spaces, wild horses and family-owned farms and ranches. Thanks for joining me in this thinking!

[Stephanie Krahl]

Fantastic article... very well stated.

Have a wonderful New Year and thank you for sharing such a great story.

Take care,
Stephanie Krahl

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: So happy you liked it. I've had it in my back pocket for a while and wasn't sure how it would be received. But my philosophy here has always been, "what the heck, put it out there and see who bites me."

[Neverlanavigator]

Your blog really touched me. I just finished watching a video on farm animals (most industrialized farms). The worst part of it all is the cruelty that most people have no idea that goes on in cattle pens, chicken and turkey yards and slaughter houses.
I commend your son in finding ways to be humane and allowing each animal to live safely and comfortably. I needed to hear exactly what you had to say because the video really distressed me (I couldn't finish watching it).
It is a hard fact of life that we can't change the world, but we can try to be a part of the change around us.
Thank you for your message.
joy

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: The inhumane treatment is exactly my reason for going vegan. My son lives and works on a farm, so he's able to grow or raise almost everything they eat - my goal is to join him in the venture, focused on the gardening side. Food production can be changed when we vote with our wallets - when we stop buying the fast food burgers, stop thinking meat must be the dominant feature of every meal and refuse to support the corporate- owner factory farms. (steps off soapbox...)
Thanks for reading and commenting.

[Heike]

Thank you Norma for this blog post! True words spoken! Have a great 2011! Hope to read you again soon.

All the best from Germany
Heike

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thanks, Heike! I'll keep going as long as people keep reading. Happy 2011.

[Petra Christensen]

Great blog post, Norma. Glad you're back :-)
I wish you and your family - two and four-legged - a wonderful 2011!

Petra Christensen
Parelli 2Star Junior Instructor
Parelli Central