A gift horse

I lost my best partner last night. Gordon was my jumper, bought in 2001. He was imported from Ireland as an eventer but an injury changed his career - also his attitude. His previous owner said Gordon just wasn't "interested" in eventing. So I got him!  Gordon may not have loved eventing, but he loved to jump and run - this horse had "a motor" for sure!  He also loved to be in charge! Which is why Gordon is the horse who brought me back to Parelli.

I was "leading" him from my house to my training barn, but was actually being dragged, bullied and stepped on. The assistant trainer came over and said, "You need to do this!" and she wiggled my leadrope and backed him up! I said, "Hey, that's Parelli!" My (now-ex) husband had introduced me to Parelli, but I didn't see the connection for show jumping, so hadn't progressed with it. Now, suddenly, I saw an urgent need. I signed up to audit a clinic, and found myself at Tour Stop the next month and at the Parelli Study Center in Colorado about six months later. I'm not sure what level we would be at today if I had been able to continue with him - but we had achieved the "old" level two before he was diagnosed with cancer and were well into Level 3 with bridleless lead changes, bareback and brideless jumping and more.

The cancer was sneaky - but quickly grew into a huge, inoperable tumor - although he was still able to walk, trot and canter easily enough for us to pass our L2 assessment. Within a year, however, the tumor doubled in size. I realized that I needed to do whatever I could to make what time he had left comfortable. My son offered to drive from Pennsylvania (all the way to California!) to pick him up so he could live on 30 beautiful acres with other horses. This is where he lived the last year and a half. He was as giddy as a horse could be. Up until the day before he died. The cancer finally took over other organs, we suspect - he had a severe heart murmur as well - but colic is what finally gave him the way out.

My son held him in his arms, our friend Maddrey stroked and cooed to him as the vet administered the final injection. My son told me that a gust of wind blew up suddenly and just as suddenly was gone, as though taking Gordon's spirit with it.  

Through my sadness, I tried to focus on all the wonderful memories that I had because of this amazing horse. I remembered all the days we had walked together from my house to the training barn where I rode - I made a point as often as I could to stop and let him just eat grass (if there was any) while I draped myself on his neck. I knew then that my days with him were somehow going to be shorter than I wanted. I let him choose the way and pace home some days and what could have been a four-minute walk became 40 minutes as he stopped and sniffed and wandered - the two of us together.

But the real reason for this post is I wanted to thank him for all the gifts he gave me. I realized today that my partnership with Gordon was honestly the first time I had experienced true partnership - where both sides hold up their own weight, watching out for one another, working together for a common success. Gordon would sometimes even take up my weight when I was weak or tired or frustrated - he would effectively say, "Hey, I've got it, just hold on" as he launched over a large oxer. And I would do my best to carry him when I could - keeping my energy calm, my leadership strong so he felt safe, and getting the best training I could with Parelli's help. Gordon gave me the gift of confidence - I became a better rider with his help. He gave me joy - together we could burn up a jumper course! He gave me excuses to have experiences such as traveling to Colorado, riding in the mountains on trails that didn't really exist but he could blaze with his massive feet. He gave me a place to bury my face when I needed to cry my heart out as I lost my father and my marriage in six short months. He gave me pride, because, man, we were cool together. People would see us at shows or events and say, "Wow, that's a gorgeous horse." He was gorgeous... and I took the credit! ha!

He taught me to study more, work harder so that I was worthy of him, be more patient because manners were important to him and he was easily offended! And when he became sick, he gave my son the opportunity to be my hero by making that long drive back and forth to help his mom feel like she was doing right by her horse, her partner.

So hug your horse today.  Take that extra moment to luxuriate in the beauty of your amazing partner.  Breathe in their scent.  And notice all the gifts these wondrous creatures give us.

 

I will post here the toast my son offered up this morning.

To Gordon:

May neighbours respect you,

Trouble neglect you,

The angels protect you,

And heaven accept you.

 

Rest in Peace, Gordon. 

 

Thank you for reading.

Comments

[Anna Mae Gold]

That was very beautiful... Thank you for sharing!

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[Mona]

Hi Norma, so sorry to find that your horse Gordon passed on, graduated to horse heaven. I love the way you describe such a special relationship, those grass eating draped-over-their-neck moments, and remind us to value what is truly valuable in our lives. He gave you many gifts, and you gave him so much love.Thanks for sharing.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: I believe that one of the other gifts Gordon gave me was the message he taught me and it needed to be shared in his honor. Happy to do it.

[Catherine Conway]

I just read your post and it touched me. I settled with my ex-husband finally after 2 1/2 years of bitterness from him. He has bipolar. The settlement came through the same week my Dad died. The funeral was last Thursday. I am also being made redundant from work. With everything going on I havent spent much time with my horse for months. After reading this I hope I can start to reconnect with him. He is mid-late level 3 but has some arthritis. But was a magnificent Jumper in his time. He is only 17. Cath

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Catherine, I'm so sorry. I used to tell people that I was one prison verse away from being a Country/Western song with all the nonsense I went through. But happy times are starting for me now. Things DO get better. I promise. The tough times are so we know to really appreciate the good times. Go kiss your horse!

[Laurie]

Honor the gifts he gave you... and I am sure, being Irish himself, he would wish you an Irish blessing: May your troubles be less and your blessing be more... And nothing but happiness come through your door.

[Petra Christensen]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Norma. I'm so glad that you had such a wonderful partner in Gordon. Cherish those memories and he'll be with you forever!

Petra Christensen
Parelli 2Star Junior Instructor
Parelli Central

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Many thanks, Petra. He's still teaching me...

[Nancy Ness]

I'm so sorry you've lost him Norma. I've been with two horses when they've left this world, one of them mine and once to help a friend. Both times it was a profound experience.
They give to us even when they leave this world!
I'm glad you had each other. What a lovely partnership!

Nancy, smiling and remembering

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank you so much. Gordon is not the first horse I've lost, but certainly the most dear.

[Judith Bishop]

Our time with them is so limited. Sorry for your loss Norma. Gordon sounds like a great partner. You were so fortunate to meet him.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank you, Judith. He definitely was a life-changer.

[Darin Gabbert]

Norma,
I am so sorry to hear of Gordon's passing. He WAS the coolest! My thoughts are with you.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: And you would know! I'd say he was on part with Miss CookieLove, yes?

[Sandy Eis]

What a great gift you both were to each other. I am so sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace Gordon.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank you, Sandy. Hug your ponies every day.

[Mackenzie]

I just got something in my eye. Both of them. At the same time.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Ah, Mackenzie, you gave me a good laugh. Thank you!

[kate]

Thank you for sharing. He is a beautiful horse. Take care and I will go hug my horses and donkeys today.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Yes, please do. Hug them and love them.

[Heather]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. What a beautiful testament to Gordon and what he shared with you.

Heather
Ontario - Canada

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank you, Heather. Be sure to "stop and smell the horses" every day.

[Valerie Creveling]

Thanks for taking the time to write about the impact Gordon had in your life. It is a message we can all relate to. I hope you have a new partner you can grieve with, another mane to cry into.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank ya, Valerie. I still have my aged buddy Victor, who turned 31 this year. He was my first jumper before Gordon and I will crumble again when he passes. But I do believe there is another great horse in my future.

[Jim Pantaleo]

"I realized today that my partnership with Gordon was honestly the first time I had experienced true partnership"

That is a true gift. My condolences.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Absolutely. Now, if I could find that in a human, I'd be set. Thank you.

[Katherine Brown]

Am SOOO Sorry for your immense loss....have tears streaming down my cheeks right now...:(. We are truly blessed and honoured to be allowed into our horse's world...and what amazing companions they are...they teach us sooo much. I have had horses all my life and they have been a huge source of comfort and friendship over the horrid times....and a huge source of pleasure and delight in the good times. Two years ago I was introduced and started Parelli with my young Friesian...and what an amazing connection we have today because of what we have learnt! Gordon gave you so much in every way, what more of a 'gift' could one ask for. RIP, Gordon and sending all my condolences to you. XXX

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Thank ya, Katherine. A Friesian! Oh my goodness, they are fabulous horses. Not sure what my next buddy will be - I'm going to wait and see who shows up, I think.

[Ninie Perlt]

I feel sorry for your loss - but happy for the gifts, Gordon gave you.
Loosing a horse is never easy or good, and even if you don't get "over" it, it will somehow turn into just the fond memories and nostalgia.

Thanks for sharing. Horse hugs will be administered after breakfast...

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Please administer massive quantities! Thanks, Ninie.

[Lauren Parker]

Ok, so totally foggy-eyed now. Thanks for sharing.

RESPONSE FROM BLOG: Oh, goodness, Lauren, can't even imagine what we're both going to be like when we lose Victor...