Heart and Desire

Go and Be Awesome

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f you want to be awesome with horses (or anything), it's going to take an incredible amount of work.  But where does 'being awesome' start?  Tony Robbins says that if you want to be ahead of 85% of the other people just show up.  Pat Parelli calls it "try."  If you want to be ahead of 90%, show up on time.  Show up on time with a plan and you've just out-paced 97% of the pack.  That is, as Pat also says, "Simple things, done with excellence."  Show up.  On time.  With a plan.  Try doing that consistently and there's no end to what you can accomplish - just ask Rebecca!

A favorite blog of mine, by Chris Guillebeau, "The Art of Non-Conformity" has some equally good advice: 

"I'm sorry you feel bad about not meeting your goals-- what I would suggest is that you begin meeting your goals, in order to feel better."

As well as this:

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” ~ Ayn Rand

Come to think of it, that's an excellent question:  Who is going to stop me?  I hope it isn't.... me.

Go and be Awesome.

QUICK FUN:  one of the advantages of running my magazine is that I get sent all kinds of cool advance information, which I'll share with you.  Here's something - this gal, Tracey Elliot-Reep, rode horseback from Mexico to Canada, photographed the journey, and created a very cool book ACROSS AMERICA - click the title to check out her website because she's made many other amazing rides as well.

SMILE!

Smiling is the best way to relax over 100 muscles in and around your face.  It is also very hard to hold on to negative thoughts while smiling. A horse is well aware of your mental state, and a negative mind will not achieve positive results.  Have you ever had to spend a long period of time around negative people?  If you had a choice, would you stay in their company?  Would you feel connected with them?  Your horse would give, I believe, similar answers!!  ~ James Shaw

James Shaw is a Tai Chi instructor and focuses on Tai Chi for the HORSEMAN (or WOMAN!).  If you would like to become wildly fit AND centered, check out his book.  I haven't seen his videos, and there are several other Tai Chi instructors out there that are great as well, but his are geared to the rider.

Spend some time this week being AWARE of your smile... because your horse is certainly aware of it!

(and yes, I did draw on my hand for this photo)

By the way, if you're still receiving TWO e-mails of this blog, BE SURE to UNSUBCRIBE to the one with "Daily Parelli" in the subject line.  If you're only receiving one and it has "Daily Parelli" in the subject line, please UNSUBSCRIBE, then visit the blog's website to RESUBSCRIBE.  Apologies for the bother and thank you!

~norma

Rationalizing Our Moods

One of the great blogs that I read daily is by Seth Godin.  He's a marketing guy, not a horseman, but today he wrote fabulously and I want to share part of it -

From Seth:

We frequently confuse internal biochemistry (caused by habits and genetics) with external events...Our brains are busy processing chemicals that internally change our moods, but find a way to rationalize those mood changes based on events and purchases in the outside world. We often act as though money can buy joy, but of course, it works better when we're joyful in the first place.

We don't say, "I'm genetically pre-disposed to mild depression," or "I haven't exercised in a while and I spend a lot of time watching TV," instead, we say, "I'm disappointed because I don't make enough money and my boss is mean to me." And yet, someone in the very same circumstances seems much happier than we are. And somehow, nothing ever happens in our career that makes everything all right forever.

We don't say, "I'm grouchy because of hormones." Instead, we say, "He deserved that outburst. He was being a jerk." Of course, he was the same guy last week and you sort of liked him.

We don't say, "When I dress and act like the people around me, I can feel safe as a member of their tribe." Instead, we think, "I feel good when I'm with my friends."

We don't say, "I have a very complex relationship with money because my parents spoiled me." Instead, we say, "Hey, the bank gave me a credit card so it's okay to buy things that I deserve."

We don't say, "I eat to drown out the way I feel about my mom," instead we say, "Hey, if it's on a salad bar, it must be good for me. And anyway, next month is my birthday."

The external world is remarkably consistent, and yet we blame it for what's going on inside of us. People who think the world is going to end always manage to find a new thing that's going to cause it to end. People itching to be bummed out all day long will certainly find an external event that give their emotion some causal cover. The thinking happens long before the event that we blame the thinking on.

How could this possibly apply to horsemanship, you ask.  Well, I know there are many times when I'll think, "Why is my horse being so DIFFICULT?!"  ...times when I probably haven't eaten well that day, haven't slept well the night before, or simply, honestly have my mind pulled to something else.  How about you?

Checking in - Do you have a Study Buddy? How's your Porcupine Game? Did you fill out a New Horsenality Profile for different circumstances?

Set your Goals in Stone!

Quick house-keeping note - If you're receiving TWO of the same post, one will have "Daily Parelli" in the subject line, the other will have "Heart and Desire" in the subject line.  Please please UNSUBSCRIBE from the "Daily Parelli."  You will continue receiving "Heart and Desire."  I'm having bizarre problems getting the old feed to shut down so I need your help there.  If you're only receiving "Daily Parelli" PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE and go back to the blog's website and RE-Subscribe.  So very sorry for the bother, but again, technical issues beyond my poor power.

And Thank You for being here!

Let's talk about Goals.  Nothing wrong with having them - everything wrong with putting them before your Principles, your Relationship, your Safety.  This week, I'm going to put MY goals into focus using these greats suggestions from Lifehacker.com 

1.  Create a 'vision' board - these seem like a fun arts-n-crafts project but every time I've done one, I discover that it really does help me focus and hone my goals or dreams.  I have to decide in concrete (or torn-up magazine) form what my goal really LOOKS like.  And the time it takes to create the board that is spent really thinking that through is way more enjoyable than just sitting... and thinking... it through....

2.  Photographs - for years I had a photo of Grand Prix showjumper Susie Hutchinson slapped up on the wall in my office.  I wanted to ride like her to whatever extent I could.  That little picture honestly did inspire me every time I went to ride.

3.  Leave notes - I love Post-it notes and the bright colors really work with my RB tendencies.  When I have a serious project, I'll use my bathroom mirror as a bulletin board and cover it with Post-its.  Or I'll just write directly ON the mirror with dry-erase marker.  Keep your notes Positive and Short! 

4. Use your Computer - there are lots of applications that have an ALARM or Reminder feature.  Set up your Calendar program with a bunch of randomly timed notes that support your goal. 

5.  Tell people - but be careful - tell the RIGHT people.  Tell people who can really support you. 

That's Lifehacker's list - and I'm going to add one more -

6.  Look into your horse's eyes - if that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what will.

Approach and Retreat

So I hope you noticed that I disappeared for a week.  Here's why:  Approach and Retreat works for our goals, too.  If all we ever did was work, work, work, focused, focused, focused on our goal, goal, goal, then we'd exhaust ourselves, probably get frustrated and possibly even give up. 

Even when we're making progress, it's a good idea to just DWELL occasionally... if only for a little while. 

If you didn't take last week, like I did, then maybe you should take THIS week. 

Spend some undemanding quality time with yourself.  Of course, you can include your horse in the dwell time, but instead of asking him (or her) to do something, just notice what he IS doing.  And notice what sitting still and being quiet does for you.
 
When you're ready, here's a little something else to think about - a nice blog post about focusing on what's essential. 

More Vince Lombardi

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.   ~Vince Lombardi.

Okay, so I hope everyone knows who Vince Lombardi was - just in case:  American football coach, named "Coach of the Century" by ESPN.  What appeals to me most is his passionate belief in "the basics."  Kinda like when Pat Parelli says "Simple things done with excellence."  Simple things... like 7 Games perhaps...

On that note... how's your DRIVING GAME?

This week's challenge:  How little can you do to cause your horse to move its feet?  Can you drive your horse toward you? 

The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.  yep, Vince Lombardi.


photo by Coco

Follow-up Question

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ust for fun -

Write a paragraph or two about what you and your horse are doing right now, where you are in the program, in your relationship, in your progress.  Stop reading and do it right now.  I'll wait...

Now, write another paragraph or two about where you were last year.

For real fun, put these two paragraphs that you've just written (you DID write them, didn't you?) into a pretty (or elegant, handsome) blank journal.  Even more fun:  write a paragraph every month about what you've done.  Keeping it short and simple is going to make it more likely that you'll actually DO this little task every month.  Pick a date - like your birthday so it's easy to remember - and write.  "I started working on sideways toward me."  Because next month you're going to write, "I got ten steps - ten really nice steps!  Whoohoo!"    

If you want to really get inspired, write your DREAM on the front page of the book.  Make it BIG - a big dream needs big letters.  Maybe colors, pictures to motivate you.  Yes, it sounds like a craft project, but if your thoughts become your actions... wouldn't it be more powerful to have something in writing, something to look at every day to help direct those thoughts?...

The Power of Negative

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tick with me on this one - it seems personal, but I promise there's a point for you in here:

I got an e-mail from a very respected friend of mine today.  This wonderful person had read my most recent post and said, "Wait a minute.  That's not Norma.  What's going on?  Call me."  So I called - mostly because I was surprised, but also my fur was up and I was set to disagree. (HOW Interesting!)  The concern was that I wasn't my typical, positive self.  I protested, "But I got over 250 e-mails from people!  I got more response from that post than if I'd actually ASKED people to write to me."

"Of course," said my wise friend, "Because negative has more draw than positive.  I wish that weren't true, but it is.  Think about it, 'misery loves company,' right?"

"But but but," I continued to protest, " People wrote that they were happy to have me writing again - it was all positive." 

"But your post wasn't.  You were a little annoyed when you wrote it and that came through." 

"Dang," was my first thought.  Okay... guilty.  I admit I am annoyed, but about other stuff -  'tragedy stalks the house' as the dad says in "National Velvet," I've got some 'life' nonsense going on.  Yet it filtered its way into the energy of my post. 

So it seems the phone call was perfectly timed. I had already been thinking all day yesterday in this area.  Because I did get over 250 e-mails saying "Yay!  Keep writing, we'll keep reading!"  And I thank you so much for the support (I'll do my best to deserve it).  But I also got 10 people who unsubscribed and one person who actually took the time to write how much she did NOT want to read what I wrote.  She wrote an entire paragraph about how little she cared, in fact. 

Guess what I focused on?!  You got it - I read that single e-mail three or four times.  My brain stuck like Gorilla Glue to those Lambs Lost.  I tried re-reading all the wonderful positive responses to clear my head and give me strength.  But I kept being drawn back, running it through my mind.  "Because negative has more draw than positive..."As a comedy writer (of 25 years...) I know it's true.   The cheap, easy joke is always negative.  The 'safe' position is negative.  Partly because saying "no" also means you have no responsibility, no culpability, no risk.  You've probably already experienced being mocked by others for sounding "too positive," "like such a cheerleader," or the ever-popular "you drank the kool-aide, didn't you?"

And how much do we love to 'get the dirt' on something?  Maybe not you personally, but the world does love a scandal.  They love to learn about the 'secret dark underbelly' of someone - maybe to reassure themselves that even their heroes have flaws and weakness.  I'm not sure.  I'm always a little more sad when I learn someone I admire has feet of clay - and I think that's the ultimate response we all have once we learn 'the truth,' (that someone is human, for instance, rather than perfected.)  Oprah probably had her largest audience ever with the Elizabeth Edwards interview the other day, because there was such potential for pain and dirt.

How often does my little brain jump on a topic like a duck on a June bug in the Savvy Club forum, where someone's annoyed and complaining?  My tendency to get torches and pitchforks is incredibly powerful (Frankenstein movie reference for the younger readers).

And how HARD is it to wake up in the morning and say, "Hot dog, it's going to be an amazing day!"  How HARD is it, when we get news we didn't expect to say, "Well, let's just see what this brings us!"  How HARD is it to look away from the easy luxury of "no," and stay with the hard, very hard work of "Yes!  You betcha!"  So here's my point - I promised I had one - how often have I focused on what my horse WASN'T doing for me?  How much energy have I put into being frustrated at what I WASN'T getting done?  And what would happen if I put that same amount of energy into being delighted that 1) I have a horse at all; 2) I have this cool language to play with to actually communicate and share an idea; and 3) I'm making progress every single day (whether I'm going as fast as I want is another issue, but I'll bet you that my progress would increase ten-fold if I would put this positive energy toward it, rather than letting the negative draw suck me into its vortex.)  You can also replace the word "horse" in the above with pretty much anything else:  spouse, child, parent, job, home...

And that's my question for you today.  Do you ever find yourself getting sucked in by the Power of Negative?

And this is my apology for getting sucked into it myself.

  

True Blue

Instead of excellence with horses, mediocrity is what most people get and don't even know it.  For example, someone who goes to the show, wins the blue ribbon, yet has difficulty loading his horse into the trailer to go home is a perfect example of a person accepting mediocrity as a good result.  ~ Pat Parelli

The mediocre teacher tells.  The good teacher explains.  The superior teacher demonstrates.  The great teacher inspires.  - William A. Ward

Sloowww... Things... Down....

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low and right beats fast and wrong."  You've heard that expression a lot if you've studied Parelli.  But what have you DONE with the intent of that statement?  Have you integrated it into your thinking, into your process, into your plan, into your play, into your responses and reactions?  

Have you made it your default check-this-first? 

How often do you stop and ask yourself "Am I just moving too fast for this horse right now?" when you're having a challenge or a reaction you didn't expect or don't care too much for?

Recently I heard Pat say it another way, "Slow down, I'm in a hurry!"  Okay, I had to think that one through for a beat, but it makes perfect sense.  Take the time it takes, don't rush it, don't try to short cut it and you'll get the result you want more quickly.  Build the relationship with the horse, set things up for him to be able to understand what you want, take that time at the beginning of the process and the whole thing will rattle off nicely, effortlessly.   

Who's heard this one:  "People haven't got time to do it right, but somehow find the time to do it over and over again fixing what went wrong."  Who's had to deal with the poor horse that is the result of all that 'fixing'?

I love these expressions and the patient, positive attitude they embody.  It's the opposite of the "get 'er done" at all costs attitude that used to dominate horse handlers' thinking.  And when I'm with my horses, I watch myself; am I giving them time to dwell or am I just rushing from task to task?  Am I getting direct-line, having only what I 'NEED' to get done in mind rather than thinking about how I'm going about it and the effect it's having on my relationship with my equine partner. 

I think about all these things in the barn... yet, somehow... still... when I'm getting ready to run errands... I rush around the house like a madwoman searching for my purse or my keys or my cell phone and it never fails that I'll get to the car and have forgotten something... and so back in the house I go... 

"Slow down.  I'm in a hurry."

photos and blog post by norma